


Cágado

by Frasers_soulmate



Category: due South
Genre: Divorce, Grief/Mourning, Moving, Other, Pets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:29:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26816635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frasers_soulmate/pseuds/Frasers_soulmate
Summary: Ray Kowalski has to change his life but he wants to keep something from his past for not getting lost.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 9





	Cágado

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, guys!  
> Sorry for letting you wait for so long for a new story but RL keeps me very busy.  
> This is the first time I wrote in the first person.  
> RayK's POV.  
> I hope it worked.
> 
> Enjoy!

I made a mistake. I told Stella about it.

Nobody should know, but Stella was my soulmate, my anchor in raging seas.

I didn't have anyone else.

And Stella wasn't just anyone, after all. She was the assistant state attorney.

Somehow I had to keep in touch with my roots if I didn't want to lose myself.

And I didn't want to lose myself.

You have to go undercover, they said.

When?

Tomorrow.

...

Tomorrow already. They would have prepared everything and I wasn't allowed to take anything from my past with me.

Nothing…

Not even Stella.

We were divorced two months ago and it hurt both of us.

I had begged her to reconsider, to give us another chance.

I threw all of my dignity and pride in the trash, if I ever had dignity and pride, for a second chance.

But I didn't get it.

Stella said it's pointless and Stella is always right.

I didn't know whether to be angry or sad. Or disappointed.

Somehow I was all at once.

Now on this last evening I crawled up to her house and told her everything.

They wanted me across town, at the 27th.

With a new apartment and a new name.

Fortunately, the guy I was supposed to stand in for was also Ray. Like me by middle name, which I preferred.

I never liked the name Stanley.

That was the name of a loser. And I didn't want to be a loser.

But I felt like one.

Stella said no one was allowed to find out what I was planning to do, and certainly not that I had spoken to her about it.

We slept together like it was the last time.

And it was great.

It's always been great with Stella, but this was great great.

To say goodbye, she gave me a paperweight in the shape of a turtle.

"Cágado," she said.

And when I looked at her incomprehensibly, she explained what that meant:

"That's you, Ray.  
Cágado.

This is Portuguese for turtle. My parents brought it for me from their vacation in Portugal.

But I think it suits you better.

Someone who can find his way around everywhere, doesn't take any ill-considered steps and still reacts quickly.

Take it as a reminder of me."

Cágado ...

Was I a cagado?

Did Stella just overestimate me?

No, she has known me for a lifetime, just as I have known her.

And yet there was no life together for us.

*********************************************

Now I'm sitting here in my new apartment and reading about the guy I'm supposed to stand in for.

He's undercover somewhere in Vegas because he happens to look like some mob boss or something.

I'm not interested. The guy seems to have had a boring life.

I'm supposed to meet his family tomorrow.

What is interesting, however, is his unofficial partner.

A Canadian mountie with strange habits.

Some of the reports are so funny that I have to laugh.

Oh man, how long has it been since I last laughed?

When I get to the page where the mob-cop shoots his sidekick in the back, I'm confused.

I need a beer first.

Or two.

But there is not any beer in the house.

I put on my shoes and jacket, turn up the collar of my coat, and go out into the rain.

These two are a strange couple, I think, as I head to the store to get some bottles of beer.

On foot.

I have to think.

Later I had to study the documents again more closely.

My attention span has always been very short.

When I pass a pet shop, I see a glass box with a turtle in the shop window.

He looks at me with very old eyes and for a moment I have the feeling that I am looking directly in the face of Mother Earth.

As if hypnotized, I enter the pet store ...

**********************************************

I still don't have any beer, but I have a glass tank with a turtle.

I'll call him "Kowalski" so that I can have a small part of my old life and not lose myself.


End file.
